


Raising Hell

by Arcangelo



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Supernatural (TV) Fusion, Archangels, Blasphemy, Crack, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Harry Potter References, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied Mpreg, Lucifer's Cage, M/M, Male Slash, My Attempt To Be Funny, Please Don't Kill Me, Romance, Tags May Change, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?, Writer's Block
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-19 08:53:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcangelo/pseuds/Arcangelo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during 1x04 of Shadowhunters. When Alec broke the circle, someone else was there to help instead of Jace running to protect Alec and almost getting killed by the memory demon.<br/>(Or: The time Magnus' demon uncle came to help the gang.)<br/>Several Crossovers, Total Crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ―01. Introduction―

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning:** This is terribly written, that's the point, when I'm bored I add something on here.

**Prologue, Azazel Origins.**  
Over 20,000 years ago

When Azazel was born, it caused a huge uproar between Heaven and Hell, it was only a few millennia since Lucifer fall. He was the child of a Warlock and Lucifer, King of Hell.

Azazel became the father of a new species called ‘Demlocks’ not very original since it’s only a portmanteau of Demon and Warlock.

Letting a demon, let alone the King of Hell, former Archangel Lucifer out of Hell and onto the human plane was very dangerous, he could of caused an apocalypse that was foreseen. It would've destroyed the human race that God seemed to treasure, which caused Lucifer’s rebellion in the first place.

Azazel was nothing like they expected, he was one of the most powerful demonic hybrid to ever exist but he had the humanity of his Warlock mother, although a disappointment to Lucifer he gained some leeway with the angels such as Raziel.

Azazel had thousands of lovers―all of them male―throughout all of the years he had lived, even many children such as Castiel, Cupid, Gadreel, Hadrianiel, Haniel, Zadkiel, Ezra, Maalik, Raziel II, Seraphiel, Sariel, Samael, Sachiel, Remiel, Tennin, Uzziel, Zephon, Zachariel and Zophiel. All of them are grown now, some long dead were killed the heavenly wars, some just didn’t bother with him anymore.

Although it seems unlikely Azazel is the demon of fertility and vengeance, he can give anyone fertility even Warlocks who are born infertile, although it is not known to many Warlocks or Demons or even Angels.

* * *

 **I. Azazel  
** 2014

He was whistling while walking down the street looking at all the mundanes who were unconsciously shielding away from him. He didn’t know why, he was gorgeous but of course they couldn’t see him because he would stand out like a beacon to mundane satanist.

Azazel thought he looked quite dashing with his red skin, long flowing crimson red hair and magnificent black horns and all dark eyes, with not a pupil in sight.

He saw a young child of the Nephilim, she seemed unaware that she was a child of the Nephilim because she was looking at him with confused eyes.

 _“Obliviate!”_ He shouted, he really didn’t need to deal with confused little girls telling her Shadowhunter parents.

Although he was the very few demons that are actually allowed to roam Earth, thanks to his homeboys Raziel and Jonathan Shadowhunter. He didn’t really mess with shadowhunters anymore because of his ex-lover Benedict Lightwood who cheated on him with some lowly demon, which he took offense too. Well, at least he had caught Demon Pox from that demon, it was revenge served cold.

‘Who could cheat on me? I am handsome, powerful, kind, well for a Demon anyway. I gave good gifts to my nephew Maggie. I am the perfect and only Demlock!’

He huffed sadly, there must be something wrong with him then. His lovers had always left him or cheated on him. Never had he been in a steady relationship for the many thousands of years of his life. He wanted some more kids and a husband, He guessed that would never happen, he was just destined to be forever alone.

He would never, unlike his brother Asmodeus, force himself on anyone or trick them into sleeping with him, it was wrong.

Even for him.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Odd idea came to my head, I had to write it, I just had to. I'm sorry. It's odd, I love Simon and thought it would be kinda cool to have him with a man....I don't know if I'm going to finish this or delete it. It won't go along with the Show, I just needed a way of introducing him so I used Shadowhunters, my new favorite TV show, it will follow the shows plot, book plot loosely.


	2. ―02. Bad Blood―

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1x04, Shadowhunters...

**II. Azazel  
** 2016

He rolled his eyes seeing his nephew flirt with the Lightwood boy endlessly, he really wanted to warn him off but his nephew was over 300 years old now. He made his own decisions.

“No matter what happens we must not let go of each other’s hands,” Magnus said gravely.

Azazel watched them all link hands ready to summon his eldest child Valack, he had a feeling this would end badly.

‘Why did I always visit my nephew when something like this happens?’ Azazel thought exasperated.

The demlock head shot up when he felt his son enter the room, this would not end well, at all. He knew his demon children were one of the worst he had ever sired. Azazel rubbed his temples irritably, he really hoped his son wouldn’t die today. He had already lost some many of his children.

There was an eerily and familiar cloud of smoke filling the pentagram, it reminded him on Amara.

“Valack is amongst us, DO NOT BREAK THE BOND!”

“Hold on!” Jace said.

“I’m trying!” Clary said frightened.

“It is time, the demon demands payment.”

“What does it want?” Alec said.

“We must each relinquish a beloved memory of the one we loved the most,” Magnus said before Valack forcefully took their memories which made Aza wince in sympathy. He would never regret having his children but Valack was one of the worst. He was young and wanted to sleep around with anyone he could, not knowing the consequences until he had found out he was pregnant with Abbadon’s child.

He narrowed his eyes seeing the face of the blond Shadowhunter appear for the Lightwood boy, this wouldn’t end well. This was a terrible way to be outed even though the blond Shadowhunter appeared to be oblivious.

“NO! THAT’S NOT TRUE! THE DEMON DECEIVED ME!” Alec said in denial.

“DO NOT BREAK THE BOND!” Magnus said urgently knowing exactly what was happening.

“Alec! It’s okay!” Isabelle said.

“No!” Alec screamed before breaking the bond making Azazel’s son get out of control.

‘Dammit!’ Azazel cursed violently in his head, what kind of idiot would break the bond, no matter how closeted you are. He felt Valoch grow stronger.

“I CANNOT CONTAIN THE DEMON MUCH LONGER!”

Azazel facepalmed so hard and jumped down from the roof he was hanging onto. Everyone saw him and immediately grabbed for their weapons.

“Valack, _relinquo nunc_!” Azazel said urgently knowing he would listen to him, even after all of these years.

 _“RELINQUO NUNC FILIUS!”_ Azazel screamed feeling the eyes of all of the children of the Nephilim on him. Valoch growled angrily and retreated knowing he couldn’t disobey his father.

“YOU BLOODY IDIOT!” Azazel screamed at the Lightwood boy. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!”

“Uncle, enough,” Magnus said frightened, it was very rare to see him angry, he knew one of the Shadowhunters would of most likely killed his cousin, this would make his uncle very angry.

“Who is that?” Clary asked.

“That, Clarissa Fairchild is my uncle Azazel,” Magnus answered. “He is one of the most powerful beings to ever be allowed on the mortal plane. He is the demon of vengeance and fertility and also Valacks father.”

“Father?”

“YES FATHER! Everyone has to be born some way,” Azazel rolled his eyes at the oblivious child.

“Sorry,” Clary said sheepishly, blushing a bright red looking at the interesting man that look like something out of Simon’s comic books. Even with the red skin and the horns, he was extremely gorgeous to Clary.

“Sweetheart, you're blushing at bright as my skin. You’re barking up the wrong tree, you have the wrong ‘plumbing’ shall I say.” Azazel said looking at the girl, he knew he was irresistible even with his oddities which made him for desirable in his own eyes.

Clary stammered out an apology while Jace narrowed his eyes in jealousy.

“Why should we trust you?” Alec said.

“You don’t,” the crimson demon smiled wickedly. “Only trust yourselves.”

Azazel stared at Alec angrily which had the eldest Lightwood frowning in confusion. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Lightwoods,” Azazel said before disappearing in cloud of smoke similar to Valoch’s.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Clary asked Magnus, seeing as he had all of the answers. “My uncle doesn’t like Lightwoods.”

“Why?” Izzy said confused.

“Oh, about 100 years ago he dated one Benedict Lightwood. Benedict had cheated on him and got demon pox...mysteriously...” Magnus said looking at the eldest Shadowhunter who looked shocked that someone in his family was gay, openly even a hundred years ago.

“WHAT?!”

“..Oh yes, Azazel has _bad blood_ with the Children of the Nephilim. However they cannot do anything about it because of him being friends with Raziel, your angel you pray too or whatever Shadowhunters do.”

“How is an angel friends with a demon!” Jace asked appalled.

“My uncle isn’t demon, not really. He is half Archangel half Warlock. So about ¼ demon. I would watch what you’re saying about my uncle, he can read minds also and may be our only chance at defeating Valentine.”

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The latin just means, 'Leave now,' and 'Leave now son,'


	3. ―03. Mundane?―

**III. Azazel and Simon**  
2016

Simon was walking through Brooklyn trying to relieve his lightheadedness which he took for a fever until he saw a man walking down the street with bright red skin, horns and glittery and bold clothes which should contrast with his skin colour but it didn’t.

Azazel feeling eyes on him narrowed his eyes at the mundane can see him. He had one of the most powerful invisibility rune to ever exist, he doesn't know why some mundane could see him even if he had sight.

He walked towards Simon looking at him curiously. “Mundane,”

Simon’s eyes widened when he heard the word ‘Mundane’ something he gets called a lot from the Shadowhunters.

“H-hi,” Simon stammered trying to not scream having a frightening man so close to him.

“Why can you see me, mundane?” Azazel scanned the mundane thoughts and smirked seeing this transitioning. “Maybe, not so much mundane after all.”

“What does that mean! I am mundane!” Simon yelled.

Azazel raised his eyebrows at the impertinent boy. “Don’t raise your voice to me child, you may not be a child in human years but you are a child to me. I was alive when you hairless apes were just starting to evolve into what you are today. I’ve seen kingdoms rise and fall, I’ve seen Merlin die, rise and fall of dictators, rise and fall of the Roman empire. Do. Not. Raise. Your. Voice. To. Me. Ever. Again.”

Simon gulped frightened seeing the black abyss eyes glow if that was possible.

“I’m sorry,” Simon stammered.

Azazel licked his lips looking at the mundane. “It’s fine mundane, you are quite cute, I might keep you. I haven’t had anyone warm my bed in over 150 years.”

“What? No! I’m just plain with glasses and lanky, too thin. I’m nothing,” Simon said trying to persuade him not to.

He grinned widely at the boy just at the cusp of adulthood, he had never been with a human so young.

“We shall see, tell Clarissa Fairchild or was it Clary Fray? I said hello,” Azazel grinned widely seeing the human’s eyes widened in fright. He had seen the unrequited crush the mundane turning daylighter had on the young Shadowhunter child, he could remedy that.

He disappeared in a flurry of smoke leaving Simon mouth hanging open in surprise. He felt like he just stepped into an X-men comic book.

* * *

 

 


	4. ―04. Who?―

**IV. Azazel, Simon and Clary  
** 2016

Simon fumbled to find his phone, breathing hard not believing what he had just seen. The man was red with horns and a tail, he had to be the ‘demons’ that the shadowhunters were talking about.

“Clary!” Simon yelled into the phone.

“Yes Simon?”

“I jus―” Simon breaths deeply trying to calm himself. “I just saw some red dude with horns and shit.”

“Oh.”

“OH?! I JUST SAW A RED GUY AND YOU SAY OH!?”

“That’s Azazel, he’s a demon, a _very_ hot one, I might add.”

Simon felt jealousy burn red hot in him. “I don’t think you're his type Clary.” he deadpanned.

“Oh I know, he prefers... _the male body_ , who can blame him.”

“What? He was hitting on me!” Simon said hysterical.

“You were hit on by a demon who is thousands of years old and you’re freaking out?” Clary asked in disbelief. “I would take that as a compliment! He must of had millions of lovers!”

Azazel was listening to the conversation amusedly, he snatched the phone from the mundane, _Simon’s_ hand.

“I take offense to that _Clarissa Fairchild_ , it wasn’t that much, give or take a 2,000.”

Clary stammered out embarrassed. “I’m sorry sir!”

Azazel rolled his pitch black eyes, if that was possible since you cannot see anything but black. “Don’t call me sir, it’s just odd, no matter how old I am.”

 

 


	5. ―05. Horny―

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azazel stakes his claim, he after all get's what he want's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** Explicit Sexual Content, completely consensual.

**V. Azazel and Simon  
** 2016

Azazel looked at the mundane―Simon―with lust in his eyes. He wanted this mundane, to fuck his tight virginal hole and fill him with his fertile seed, unfortunately he has too many morals to impregnate someone against their consent, let alone have sex with someone without explicit consent.

Simon felt eyes burned into him and blushed brightly, no one had ever looked at him in such a way before. He had always wished Clary would, but he had finally gave up hope seeing she was so attached to a man she just met, rather than Simon who she had known all of her life.

Simon felt arms wrap around his waist and hot breath on his ear. “Little mundane, I can teach you pleasure you have never experienced before. All you have to do is say yes.”

Simon shivered, his cock was hardening in ways he had never expected. Simon had never been attracted to men before. He hissed feeling lips on his neck with a hint of sharp fangs that reminded him of the Vampires.

“ _Yes,_ ” Simon said with unadulterated need, he yelped shocked when he was suddenly in an apartment when they were just on the street, how was that even possible. “I am a Warlock and an Archangel, what do you expect?”

“What?!” Simon said with shock. “They exist?”

“Of course they do, why do I look the way I do? No reason?”

“You could of been a mutant like the x-men!”

Azazel tried to keep a straight face but it faltered, he bursted out peals of laughter. “Comic books are fictional, completely fictional. However the super villain ‘Azazel’ was based off me, obviously. Since my name is Azazel, I was the friend of Chuck Austen, one of the creators.”

Simon’s jaw dropped. “AZAZEL!? LIKE THE FALLEN ANGEL IN THE BIBLE!?”

“...Kind of? I am not a fallen angel, I hate how they portrayed me in that stupid ass book. No offense to my grandfather, of course. I am not a fallen angel, I am an ½ Archangel, ¼  human and ¼ Demon. However, Lucifer or Satan is my father.”

The mundane looked like his eyes were about to pop out.

“What did I agree too?”

The crimson skinned Demlock smirked wickedly. “You’re about to find out.”

Azazel picked up Simon and brought him to his room with protest from the mundane about being treated like some girl.

“Trust me, little Mundane, you are most certainly not a girl.” Azazel said as he snapped his fingers disappearing all of their clothes. Simon tried to cover himself up, insecure at his body compared to Azazel who was all muscle.

The Demlock’s eyes darkened and he stalked towards Simon and flipped him over on his bed so that he was on his hands and knees. He grabbed Simon’s arse cheeks and spread him, inhaling deeply seeing his hole.

“Ever been fucked, mundane?”

“N-no,”

“Virgin, then?”

“Y-yes,”

“Excellent.”

Azazel circled his tongue around Simon’s tight rim before pushing his forked tongue inside feeling Simon clench around him, moaning loudly at the sensation.

“Fuck,” Simon groaned feeling a new sensation that he never expected to feel so good from such a dirty action.

“You like that?”

“Fuck yes,” Simon’s eyes rolled to the back of his head when he felt the long tongue rammed against his prostate relentlessly.

Azazel summoned some lube from his drawer slicking his fingers, withdrawing his tongue from Simon’s tight hole which had the mundane groaning in protest.

“Patience,” Azazel said looking at the vulgar scene in front of him. “Is a virtue.”

“Fuck me!” Simon said impatiently, letting go of all of his inhibitions.

“Gladly, however, this will hurt.”

“I don’t care!”

Azazel raised his eyebrow. “You will.”

Simon let out a loud hiss of pain when his thick and long finger breached him for the first time. He began scissoring Simon’s hole feeling him loosen around his finger so he added more until he thought he was prepared enough. Simon was shaking and cumming from the constant abuse of his prostate from just the Demlock’s fingers.

Azazel grabbed Simon and perched him on his lap slowly lowering him down to his cock knowing this would be very painful, no matter how much you prepare someone. He made wounded noises of pain when he felt the thick cock stretch him in ways that even his fingers didn’t.

“Shh,” Azazel said sliding his hand down Simon’s cock trying to distract him from the pain.

“Ready?” Azazel said looking into the Simon’s eyes for reassurance. Simon nodded hesitantly feeling excruciating amount of pain. Azazel thrusted in Simon as quickly as he could trying to get rid of the pain that he knew Simon was feeling. When Azazel aimed for his prostate Simon yelled in shocked pleasure mixed with pain.

Azazel seeing the pleasure on Simon’s face growled loudly his eyes turning bright red and he began to aim deeper into Simon’s hole watching his body spasm with pleasure that he knew the mundane had never felt before.

Simon was gasping for air as the Demlock switched positions which aimed at his prostate with perfect precision.

“I’m going to cum,” Simon wailed as he felt a fire burning in his stomach.

“Cum,” Azazel said speeding up his thrust in supernatural speed.

Simon babbled incoherently as he felt himself cum harder than he had ever before. His whole was spasming and shaking around the thick cock that he pumped seed in his hole, he clenched around the cock trying to unconsciously keep it inside of him. Azazel groaned feeling the pressure from the tightness of a former virginal hole, the pressure coaxed another orgasm out of Azazel, he had after all hadn’t have sex for a very long time.

He pulled out his cock that was still leaking cum, watching Simon pant in exertion. His spread Simon’s arse cheeks seeing the red and puffy hole that he knew was going to be more painful in the morning, he winced in sympathy. He licked over the swollen rim tasting his own cum. Simon was twitching with over sensitivity.

He growled possessively smelling his scent all over Simon which made his inner demon happy at his claiming.

They both relaxed into the bed, sated from a powerful orgasm. Azazel wrapped his arms around Simon and kissed his forehead.

“Goodnight, little mundane,” He said seeing Simon on the verge of sleep. Azazel wrapped his wings protectively around both of them and followed Simon into a peaceful sleep which he hadn’t had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never written smut in my whole life, well here's a first try for an asexual virgin.


	6. ―06. Castiel, Meet Simon―

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel pops in with Dean and Sam asking for his father's help.

**VI. Azazel, Simon, Castiel, Sam and Dean  
** 2016

“Dean,” Castiel says gravely. “We must ask for help.”

“From who?” Sam said to Castiel looking at him like he was crazy.

“My father,” Castiel said obliviously, not knowing how much this was going to shock Sam and Dean.

“God?” Dean said furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

“No,” Castiel said monotonously. “God is my great-grandfather, not all angels are born from God, some are creating by procreating with two people like homosapiens do. My father’s name is Azazel, he is half Archangel, he being the son of an archangel and a Warlock. Warlocks are not what you guys have encountered, they aren’t ‘witches’ who get their powers from demons, kind of. They are born of demons and humans procreating. My father is the a Demlock, but my cousin is High Warlock of Brooklyn.”

“What does that have to do with anything Cas?”

“My father hasn’t been on the Earth for almost two hundred years, he has been in in Hell with his children.”

“HELL!?”

“Yes, Dean,” Cas said exasperated. “I have many siblings, my father is very old. Some of my siblings are demons. He has been in hell trying to control his children, some of the most ruthless are the demon children like Valack, much like his father Abbadon. My father’s own father is Lucifer.”

“How are you an angel?!”

“Dean,” Castiel said condescendingly like he was speaking to a child. “When an half Archangel and an Archangel have sex, they make an angel.”

“But..but… they’re both men!”

“Gender does not matter to the Supernatural, men can procreate with men.”

“What?” Dean and Sam said at the same time with shock.

“Hold on, we must go to my father’s apartment.”

Castiel grabbed hold of the boys and appeared in his father’s bedroom, looking blasé seeing his father in bed with a human man.

“Father,” Castiel said tapping Azazel.

The boys were shocked seeing a bright red man with horns, wings and a tail with his arms around what appeared to be human boy who couldn’t be no older than eighteen.

“That is Castiel’s father.” Dean said to Sam whispering, not knowing that they can hear anyway.

Azazel woke as soon as he felt his youngest son appear into his room. One of his favorite children, and the most naive. He treasured his precious Castiel, the only of his children who still asked for his help occasionally.

He raised his eyes hearing human men whispering about the parentage of his son.

“Yes, Castiel?” Azazel said, voice deep with sleep, his eyes going back to the normal red with whites than the usual all black for the past hundred of years.

Their heads snapped up hearing the red guy answer Cas. They weren't really surprised to see the bright red eyes, which matched his hair and his skin. Azazel got up unabashed about his nudity which made Dean cover his eyes.

“Lucifer is trying to release from his cage,”

“WHAT?!” Azazel growled loudly starting Simon from his sleep. Simon looked around at the men in the room and blushed brightly covering himself with blankets trying to conserve his pride.

“Azazel,” Simon said in confusion and embarrassment. “What are these people doing here?”

“Good morrow, little Mundane, the one with the horrid trench coat is my youngest son Castiel, the tall one and the green eyed one, I have no idea, darling.”

“Son,” Simon said with shock.

“But, of course darling, I don’t believe in protection―I can’t catch mundane STD’s and illnesses. The way I fucked you last night, you expect me to not have any children?”

“But,” Simon stammered. “You’re a guy who’s gay!”

“Men can have children with other men if they chose it, and if I allow it, of course.”

“WHAT?!” Simon yelped. “Am I pregnant?!”

“No,” Azazel said condescendingly which made Sam and Dean blink at how similar Castiel was to his father.

“No matter how much times I came into your deliciously tight arse,” Azazel said smirking remembering the tight heat around his cock yesterday, while Dean was gagging. “It will only be if I allow it, don’t worry.”

“So!” Azazel said clapping his hands together excitedly. “What are you here for my precious baby boy?”

Castiel blushed which surprised Dean and Sam, they had never seen Castiel display any emotion.

“I need your help, dad,” Castiel said with the same monotonous tone.

“I have established that Castiel! What for, other than my psycho father wanted to get out of his cage?”

“Lilith and Abaddon, who is now in the form of a women,”

Azazel screwed his face up in disgust at the mention of the Knight of Hell who took his virginity and the father of his eldest son.

 


	7. ―07. Why Are You Here―

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone seems to have to need to be in Azazel's studio apartment today..

**VII. Azazel, Simon, Castiel, Dean, Sam, Clary, Isabelle, Jace, Magnus and Alec  
** 2016

“Well,” Magnus said. “My uncle could heal Luke.”

“Then why aren’t were there already!” Clary yelled distressed seeing Luke dying.

“I don’t know, he is probably having sex with someone. I don’t want to see that.” Magnus said making a disgusted noise.

“So what! What are you? 15?!” Clary said angrily.

“Fine,” Magnus said annoyed. “Come on Shadowhunters.”

Magnus made a portal forcing them all inside and he followed them, making a sound of distress when he saw his uncle completely naked with some mundane boy and his cousin Castiel just standing there like it’s everyday you see your father naked.

“Simon,” Clary said shocked seeing him in bed with the demon who she had been speaking on the phone the day prior.

Alec looked like he wanted to burst into flames, his face was on fire seeing completely nude body of Magnus’ uncle. Azazel was just standing there without shame, like he was alone in the room.

“PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!” Magnus screeched horrified.

Azazel looked at his nephew and the children of the Nephilim. “Is it bombard Azazel’s apartment day or something? I was perfectly sated, finally have sex with someone since Benedict Lightworm―sorry―Lightwood and here comes everyone interrupting me and my little mundane.”

“We need your help,” said Clary looking at the male in front of him with unconcealed lust. He was certainly well endowed, no wonder Simon agreed to have sex with him.

Azazel rolled his eyes annoyed at this girl stating the obvious. “Clarissa Fairchild, you’re the most annoying thing I had to displeasure of meeting. No wonder I wiped your memories two years ago when you saw me.”

“You, WHAT?!” Clary screamed.

“Shut up, you strawberry blond. I have better hair anyways, isn’t that right Simon?” Azazel smirked looking at the boy who was watching the argument with awe.

“You loved pulling on it last night…” Azazel winked and sauntered out of the room.

“Um, I, uh, Hi Clary!” Simon said burning with embarrassment, quickly putting on his boxers and wincing and almost tripping as he did so feeling the pain from sex with a supernaturally fast Demlock.

Magnus highfives Simon. “Way to go mundane! My uncle really needed to relieve that sexual tension, those eyes he had were disturbing.”

“I heard that, Maggie,” Azazel cooed.

“That was intentional!” Magnus called back.

 


	8. ―08. Baby Fever―

**VIII. Azazel, Simon, Castiel, Dean, Sam, Clary, Isabelle, Jace, Magnus and Alec  
** 2016

Azazel came walking in like he was from the Late Victorian area, suit and all but the most intriguing feature was the onyx black snake wrapped around his body.

“Sup, mortals!” Azazel called putting his hair into a bun.

“What the hell is that on you!” Simon screeched.

“This is a black mamba, the most venomous snake in the world and my precious baby boy, besides Castiel, of course. His name is William Snakespeare.”

“Really?!” Magnus said annoyed.

“What! I’m the one who thought of animal puns before you! Chairman Meow? REALLY MAGNUS?!” Azazel argued.

Magnus looked affronted. “It’s an amazingly punny name.”

“Sure, sure.”

Azazel clucked his tongue. “Anyway, this is my baby until I have more babies. DUH.”

“Oh no,” Magnus paled drastically. 

“What?!” Everyone replied frightened.

“He.. he has.. _ baby fever _ again.”

“Baby fever?” Simon asked.

“Why are we whispering?!” Clary said also whispering.

“You guys weren’t there when he had like impregnating twelve of his lovers in the span of two months!”

“Wait,” Simon said. “WHAT?!”

“I call them the evil blue dozen. Kaylee, Kali, Kayla, Kingsley, Kyle, Kai, Kaycee, Kylie, Katie, Kaylnn, Katelyn and Kalia.”

“What is he?! A Kardashian with all of those K’s.”

“He went through a ‘K’ phase, it’s the same with his ‘el’ and ‘iel’ phase with his angelic children Hadrianiel, Haniel, Zadkiel, Raziel II, Sariel, Samael, Sachiel, Remiel, Zachariel and Zophiel.”

“HOW MANY CHILDREN DOES HE HAVE?!” Simon screamed.

“Um…”

“I’m right here,” Azazel said annoyed. “Probably about 3,000 give or take 1,000.”

“Raziel II?” Jace asked confused.

“Oh yes, me and Raziel had a one night stand kind of thing. I liked Raziel’s name so why not Raziel II.”

“...You...had...sex WITH OUR CREATOR?!”

“...Yes, I had sex with Jonathan Shadowhunter too, it’s not a big deal dude.”

“Who did you have sex with?” Simon asked jealous.

Azazel rubbed his chin in confusion trying to think of who he didn’t have sex with. “Leonardo Di Vinci! That’s one.. uh...any girl, that’s A LOT… uh…I have a lot of sex okay and a lot of children, sex is fun, it’s really fun.”


End file.
